Amazing results in bed last night…

So last night we finally have some free time to ourselves to really enjoy our love making. We have been doing all kinds of shit around the house the past couple of weeks and have only had time to squeeze in a quicky or two here and there, which is fine by my selfish standards, but I know women like the foreplay and fetishes and whatnot.

Anyway, we were home alone and I decided to go all out. Made a nice dinner, cleaned the house, lit some candles, drew a warm bubble bath with nice lavender smelling shit and joined her in the tub. We were drinking on some wine in the tub and I got her pretty horned up, working on the clit and neck rubs and shit.

So we towel off and move it to the bed, as married folks, oral is rare and we decided to treat ourselves to a little action. She is not a bit selfish and agreed to return the favor (69). So I was on bottom and she was on top. I was munching down for a good 5 minutes, when I couldn’t help but notice a liquid seeping from her anus.

I kept eating away, but I began to put 2 and 2 together in my mind. If a vagina begins to leak when they get all horny in that hole, could it possibly be that her ass was getting wet because she wanted anal? Now let me mention that she has NEVER been into anal before and I was leery about asking because I didn’t want to ruin the mood. So slowly and methodically I began inching my tongue towards her weeping broweye like a worm.

I reached paydirt after a few tense moments and she released an audible moan. I could tell it was doing the trick. I kept massaging her clit with my left hand, and I nervously worked my right towards the sphink. I slowly inserted a finger and kept licking around the rim, another, louder moan came out. I inserted a second digit and continued my motions with my opposite hand and tongue. More moans.

A few minutes of this went by and she ended up riding my face like a horse. I was eating away like an AIDS patient and she was filled with the antidote. A bit longer passed and her body began to tremble, like an orgasm and she let out a primal scream and pushed off me.

Now I have heard of anal orgasms and I have heard of squirting, but I had never heard of anal squirting until last night. She shot a hot stream of the liquid that was leaking out earlier all over my face. It tasted like pussy juice, but slightly more bitter. I looked like I had just gotten into a fight with a box of chocolate glazed donuts. I loved it. We kissed and I finished all over her tits. We got in the shower together and cleaned up. She said she was embarrassed by the whole ordeal, but I told her I had never been more horny in my life.

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Normal?

I know I’ve discussed my issues with hemorrhoids on here in the past, and others have been very helpful, so maybe someone else has had this.

I was taking a shit around lunchtime, and it was a began as a pretty normal shit, it felt a bit on the “large/girthy” side, but I was pliable enough to accommodate it. After the 3rd mass passed out, I got the sensation I usually get right before I wipe and there’s a spotting of blood on the toilet paper, similar to when you can tell your nose is beginning to bleed.

I finished releasing and began to unwind the toilet paper to wipe, when I got the feeling something was still “hanging out”, sort of how you can tell when a turd is still hanging there or if it has broken off. The thing is, this felt much different than a turd, much lighter, and I could feel it actually touching the toilet water.

When I reached back to begin wiping, I felt what I can only describe as a warm spaghetti noodle dipped in snot. I grabbed whatever it was with the toilet paper, and I pulled it up to examine it. It looked like a dark red lo mein noodle, with a bunch of tiny marbles inside of it. I pulled on it a bit more, and I noticed it was still attached to my body and was originating from my asshole.

I found that I couldn’t pull it much further, and it hurt when I tried. I got under the sink here in the office bathroom and got some of those yellow dishwashing gloves and slowly pushed it back up, trying not to rupture whatever it was.

Now I feel like I have to take a huge shit and I’m scared next time I do it will come back out. What do you guys think it is?

Just got busted whacking off…

I heard her walking down the hall but I was about 5 seconds away from finishing, so I tried to hurry up and blow it and cover up. Not quick enough though.

I feel strangely ashamed and awkward, like being 13 all over again.

It was bad. I was too lazy to get out of bed to grab toilet paper, so I just peeled off a sock and blew it up in there.

My pasty ass laying there, red faced, sweaty, wearing only one sock with a slowly deflating boner was the last thing I’m sure anyone would want to see when they are getting ready to climb in the same bed as that person.

I have been getting pretty bold with my maneuvers and it did me in.

I used to only do it in the bathroom, door locked. Then I quit locking the door, because she doesn’t exactly bust in on me when I’m supposed to be taking a shit. Then I started doing it in bed, door closed, but not locked. Then I started leaving the door open, which is how I got caught.